Booking in... My Platoon Commander told me that this week would be the start of a tough month. Dear Lord, I know that I can retreat to you and rest in you. I'm reminded by the verse that Amos shared with the cell a couple of weeks ago. "What can men do to me?"
I will not forget how He comforted me and refreshed me in SISPEC. I will not be brought down. I will not have fear planted within me.

::: Verse of the Day :::
Listen to Me, you who know righteousness, You people in whose heart is My law: Do not fear the reproach of men, Nor be afraid of their insults.
| Isaiah 51:7 |

My media player was keeping boredom at bay the last 3 days but on thursday morning I realised that I couldn't charge the player. I couldn't figure out why either. But it was sort of a good thing as it gave me more time to read the bible and 'the rest of your life'. And so I headed down to Creative Center at Jurong East when I booked out. Took me about half an hour to find the place cos I dropped from the bus 2 stops too early. So anyway, after waiting close to an hour for my turn, the guy figured out that there was a problem with the set itself and not the charger. And then he gave me a new set. Just like that. A brand new media player. But all the data is gone. Just too bad.

Just a random thought... I'd like to have a choice. I'd like to be able to say no.

Your Seduction Style: Ideal Lover

You seduce people by tapping into their dreams and desires. And because of this sensitivity, you can be the ideal lover for anyone you seek. You are a shapeshifter - bringing romance, adventure, spirituality to relationships. It all depends on who your with, and what their vision of a perfect relationship is.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

::: Verse of the Day :::
So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.
| Colossians 2:6-7 |

I know you love me despite my flaws but I don't want to live like this anymore. Because it displeases you. And it displeases me too. I've tried ways & means to live right & to at least give up a few bad habits. But it seems to get worse instead of better. So now, I'll consider something a little more drastic. I'm considering a ban from all visual media except written media and movie outings. There is a word to describe how I feel... "Wretched"

Why? Because thats what I am now. By doing relatively well in army, I have become complacent, thinking that my life, being run on my own terms, has some sort of worth. But there isn't. Because I've gotten where I am through favour. Not because I'm smart, fit or good looking. I'm not. I'm just blessed with favour and grace. And I've gotta stop taking it for granted.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

New unit, new environment, new bunk (I'll complain about it later on), new superiors. I don't really like change but thats life you know? I've got to go through another month of trainee life before I can spread out my 'specialist wings' and glide towards ORD. I'm going for my ATP shoot (live firing) on thursday and friday. 2 whole days under a training shed with a hundred smelly soldiers and my rifle. I'm not going to put my hopes up on getting the marksman badge. Not when I need new glasses.

I've been wanting to spend time with God praying recently but I'm always rushing it. I getting distracted alot constantly. My mind is always wandering.

Was talking to Elissa on the phone and it sort of made me understand the different thresholds, values and expectations that different people have. So what seems alright to me may actually be getting on someone else's nerves. But my standard is based on what the bible says (or at least I try). Come to think of it, I need to have a getaway soon. Time to refocus... My destination is still the same, but I'm definitely not in the right state. I might not get there if I stay like this.

::: Song of the Day :::
The more I seek You, the more I find You
the more I find You, the more I love You

I wanna sit at your feet
Drink from the cup in your hand
Lay back against you and breathe
Feel your heartbeat
This love is so deep
It's more than I can stand
I melt in your peace
It's overwhelming
| glorious - the more i seek you |

Sometimes you just have to be the one who gets things started. Its not that you have to do everything yourself. But people, being people, will naturally laze around until the see someone else doing a job. And because they don't want you to mess it up, or they think that they can do a better job, they finally get up and do something about it. However there is one question I want to ask.

Does it mean that everything that you did up to the point they took over was a waste of time and effort?
I would like to think that the answer would be a solid 'NO'. But many people would think that since none of my 'ideas' or 'contributions' were actually used, it would mean that I did not do any work. Similar to the scientific idea that if there is no change or reaction, no work has been done. But I could also say that I was the one that sparked off proper discussions and got the group moving and planning. Oh well..

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
What am I? One who sets his words Into proper structure Fearful to let it tumble out But out it tumbles anyway What can you do? You were sitting, oh so pretty And I asked, As if I needed an answer "Can I kiss you?" I should have kissed you The way I used to The way you liked it But instead, it was tense Like the first time Desire longing to be put into action But you were quiet With your porcelain mask inviting as always How could I turn it down? It would have been rude And so insensitive You always needed to be adored	I feel responsible Because I was the first Did I transform you? Did I tempt you And whet your appetite for more? I gave you a drug And you wanted another hit Thats the way you were Impulsive Emotional Dynamic You were my outward expression You were like me Unrestricted Carefree Careless So I try to fill that vacuum With every thing imaginable I feel like I missed the prize Could I try again? I did I failed
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Its been such a long week and I'm really enjoying being home. Its gonna be another time of adjustments again as I'm posted to 3 Signals Battalion. My warrant Officer tells me its an active Battalion, which means the unit could be activated to go for an overseas exercise the moment we step into the premises. But I probably won't have to. We will most likely be taking part in the National Day Parade in August though.

But my posting isn't what is on my mind right now. I had my hopes raised and dropped back down into the hard ground in the space of two days. I just found out that I was in the top 5 on thursday and that I had a good chance of getting an award, one of the three bayonets, 1 golden and 2 silver. But when the rankings were announced today, I was holding my breath, figuratively, from the 36th all the way to the top ten. And my dreams of a first award in NS were shattered when I was announced as 4th in the platoon. 1 place shy of an award. I was kinda moody from the time I heard the news. But I guess I've got nothing to complain about. I did well. I didn't push myself VERY hard and I got 4th. You could say I was just cruising along. I wasn't even aiming for a top 10 placing in the first place so I shouldn't be upset at all.

This week was spent mostly sleeping, revising for the tests, having the tests, playing soccer and practicing my songs for the end-of-course celebration. I was also selected to be the spokesman for the platoon during the celebration. I had 3 consecutive nights out this week. And I found out that I've gotten my $200 bonus for my IPPT gold. So I'm pretty contented with whats happened this week. It started off rather well too with the soccer match with Riverlife ending 3-3 last sunday.

I forgot to bring my boots to the match so I was playing without studs and slipping all over the place. Riverlife were nowhere as good as the nepalese team that trashed us but it was still a challenging game. But I still found it surprising that I could control the team. Especially since I was playing as striker with Liwei. Plus the fact that we had only 10 men for the game. We had to borrow one player from riverlife. We started off with our usual game, flustered and panicky. But started to control the pace after awhile. I felt free to play my game because Dennis was making the tactical decisions that day and I was only looking out for technical improvements.

Our first goal came from a set-piece. Joel directed the freekick towards me and I directed my header towards the goal. Honestly, I didn't expect the ball to fall into the back of the net. 1-0 up.
I wanted to slow the game down after that but the rest of the players seemed to have that extra burst of energy so I didn't enforce it. Riverlife were becoming more aggressive because they couldn't deal with our pace. Or rather, Nathan's pace. And they brought him down in desperation inside the penalty area. Yellow Card! Nathan would have been clear on goal otherwise. So Joel steps up to take the penalty and I tell him to forget the power fearing that he would just blast it and miss it. So I said, "PLACE IT!"
Thats when he goes and places it low and with a lot of power. The trouble is, its straight at the keeper. Fortunately it was too strong to catch and Joel taps in the rebound. 2-0 up!!!

Halftime passes by quickly and we proceed to face a Riverlife side with a different style altogether. They exploited our leftback, Thomson's lack of pace as well as our lack of stamina, cut the deficit, equalised and took the lead in the space of about half an hour. Fortunately Jean F. managed to score a last minute goal from the left, just outside the penalty area. I'm just glad we scored as many as we did. Hopefully, we're playing with the right players in the right position. I think Joel and Gerald did especially well as central defender and keeper respectively. Our midfield was a little weak today. No one to help Dennis in the center of the field. Oh well... I think I'll be taking a break from soccer for awhile. Musn't tire myself out too much.

Its been a while since I last blogged. I've been caught up with church activities and I don't have time to blog in camp because of exercises the last 2 weeks. I had guard duty on monday and it wasn't as bad as I thought. I got paired with the platoon's most garang man. I think over-enthusiastic would describe him better. And I'm being nice. So I had a good time with my Media Center watching 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind'. The one starring Jim Carrey. Strange that he isn't doing comedy but I think he did well. I can really relate to his character's experiences and the movie was like an exaggerated dramatisation of what I went through. The way he was struggling so hard to keep his memories from being erased. So frantic & desperate the way he was clinging on to them.

I did learn some biblical stuff this week in spite of the busy schedule. I've been reading this new book called 'The Rest of Your Life' by Patrick M. Morley. Its a delightful book which speaks about the philosophies of the world versus the truths of Christianity. An emphasis was placed on true Christianity. I've been writing down a few quotes.

"The problem isn't that Christians are not where they should be. The problem is that they are not what they should be right where they are."
| Os Guiness |

I will remain in the world no longer, but they are still in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name—the name you gave me—so that they may be one as we are one.
I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world.
My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one.
They are not of the world, even as I am not of it.
Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth.
As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world.
For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified.
| John 17:11,14-18 |

So the issue here isn't to take yourself out of the world. But rather to step in to make changes. Of course there are some things of the world which we should not indulge in or be a part of. But rebelling against the world doesn't mean detaching yourself from it. And although we should not corrupt Christianity with worldly, sinful views, I still believe that it is possible be a strong, devoted Christian and yet still have a life. How do we go about living in this world? Without aid from the Holy Spirit, it would be an almost futile effort. How many times have we made mistakes even though we had good intentions?

From the Holy Spirit Seminar 2 weeks ago, I'm seeing a trend of how the Holy Spirit works. With hardly anything more than earnest heartfelt desire and passion for more of God and to be used more by God, many of us can discover the Holy Spirit. But many of us need a visualisation of what the Holy Spirit is capable of. There are many who have not known what praying and praising in the Spirit is about. Why? Because many years ago while their parents were learning about baptism in the holy Spirit and the Spiritual Gifts during church camp, most of them were sitting in the childcare room. But this generation of Christian youths cannot be sustained by the experiences of their parents. This sort of thing is an intense experience which can only be achieved with a hunger for a personal relationship with God. Do they know what they're missing?

At least we're taking steps in the right direction. With the prayer meetings, deeper times of worship on sunday services, pastors who are sensitive to the promptings of the Holy Ghost, and more recently, teaching sessions in the form of seminars, I think we're going higher. I sense it during recent Sunday Services.

Dear Lord, I pray for more in the body of Christ to start running with that passion. That more will be spurred on to chase after you. Dear Lord, the signs of revival are here, but we need more. We cannot keep relying on certain people to drive the church. Because if a body of Christ is to grow healthily, it needs to work together.